BREAKING: LOCAL MAN TAKES "HIGH PERFORMANCE DATA PROCESSING" WAY TOO PERSONALLY • EXPERTS SAY "HE COULD JUST USE A SPREADSHEET" • TINYBIRD CO-FOUNDER SPOTTED EXPLAINING LATENCY TO A WAITER • "FRAMEWORKS ARE THE DEVIL" SAYS MAN WHO BUILT 3 COMPANIES • FARMER GPS SOFTWARE: THE ORIGIN STORY NOBODY ASKED FOR BUT EVERYONE NEEDED •

JAVI SANTANA

Entrepreneur CTO Co-founder Professional Worrier About Milliseconds

0 Twitter followers who pretend to understand his threads about caching
0 Companies founded (because one existential crisis wasn't enough)
0 Milliseconds that keep him up at night
0 Millions raised (could've just opened a bar in Salamanca)

Who Is This Guy?

Javi Santana is a Spanish engineer who has spent 20+ years convincing himself and others that the difference between 16ms and 17ms response time is absolutely worth losing sleep over.

(Narrator: It was not.)

Born in Spain, raised by the internet, shaped by reading the Quake source code at an impressionable age. He once sold GPS software to farmers door-to-door and somehow parlayed that into raising $70 million from American VCs. If that's not the most chaotic career trajectory you've ever heard, you haven't been paying attention.

Currently co-founding Tinybird, where he processes data at scale while writing Substack posts about how everyone else is doing it wrong. Previously CTO at CARTO, where he turned maps into a $100M business and then left to do something even more stressful.

(His hobbies include: telling people frameworks are bad, quoting John Carmack, and having opinions about Spain's startup ecosystem.)

The Unnecessarily Intense Career Path

2006-2017

Agroguia - The Farmer Whisperer Era

Built GPS software for farmers. Went literally door-to-door selling to agricultural workers. Imagine explaining coordinate systems to someone who's been navigating by gut feeling for 40 years. Company stayed profitable for 12 years. Sold it. Normal people would've retired. Not Javi.

2012-2018

CARTO - The "Maps Are Data, Actually" Phase

Became CTO when the company was 6 people. Left when it was worth ~$100M. Spent 6 years explaining to investors that geospatial visualization is the future. Spoiler: he was right, which only made him more insufferable.

2019-NOW

Tinybird - The "What If Data But Fast" Chapter

Co-founded a company whose entire pitch is "we make data go brrr in under 100ms." Raised $70M to prove that yes, you do need sub-second query response times, even if your users are just refreshing a dashboard nobody reads.

2025-???

The Crisis de los 40s Arc

Currently in the "maybe I should rest more" phase of his career, which for Javi means only writing 2 blog posts per month instead of 4 and merely thinking about latency during dinner instead of actively optimizing queries.

Official Skill Assessment

High Performance Data Processing
Complaining About Frameworks
Actually Using Frameworks
Writing Blog Posts That Start With A Quote
Convincing VCs That Milliseconds Matter
Small Talk At Parties
Quoting John Carmack
Telling Spain It Needs More Startups
Work-Life Balance

Things Javi Definitely Says

Javi Santana Blog Post Bingo

Click the squares when you spot them in his writing. Get 4 in a row and win absolutely nothing.

Opens with a quote from a famous engineer
Mentions "fundamentals"
Critiques a popular framework
References John Carmack or DHH
Compares software to F1 engineering
Says "under the hood"
Mentions response time in ms
Talks about Spain's startup ecosystem
Uses "visteme despacio que tengo prisa"
Humble-brags about Agroguia
Says "the best data is the data you never write"
Drops a movie or video game reference
Mentions selling to farmers door-to-door
Complains about vendor lock-in
End-of-year "recortes" post
Existential reflection about getting older

The Javi-fier

Type any normal tech statement and translate it into how Javi would say it.

Your Javi-fied response will appear here...

Changelog